| December 8 - 6:00 PM
It started to snow. The first snow of the
season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours
by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.
It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like
newlyweds again. I love snow!
December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow
covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can
there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was
the best idea I've ever had! Shoveled for the first time in years
and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplough came along and covered up the sidewalks
and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect
life!
December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment!
My neighbour tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas.
No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by
the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think
that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbour.
December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature
dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind
took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway
and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplough came back this
afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would
have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back
in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires
for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer The wife wants
a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't
in Alaska, after all.
December 16
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice
in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed
for an hour, which I think was very cruel.
December 17
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go
anywhere. Electricity was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets
on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not
to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't
admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe
I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff
last night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplough came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbour kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing
hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see
about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in
March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will
have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of
the white sh*t fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till
August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and
then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again.
I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plough on his truck
for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think the *sshole
is lying.
December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted
me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!!
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think
she's lying.
December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplough, I broke the shovel. Thought I
was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives
that snow plough, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him
to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits
for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles
an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted
me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too
busy watching for the damn snowplough.
December 2
5 Merry f---ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn
slop tonight - Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood
boil. God, I hate the snow! Then the snowplough driver came by
asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel.
The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot.
If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time,
I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.
December 26
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here?
It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber
came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400
to replace all my pipes.
December 28
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The BITCH
is driving me crazy!!!
December 29
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's
the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30
Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plough driver,
and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating
I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel
up his ass. The wife went home to her mother. Nine more inches
predicted.
December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills
they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?
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